Inside my mind
I am who I am
living a life
unguarded and real
Fighting a battle
with myself
that all must fight
The right to have
the right to decide
the right to control
Many decisions
daily
hold me back
or push me forward
I play a game of chance
I love the thrill
and the rush
the intoxicating darkness
that whispers and calls
it is so easy to go there
But the pain
of choices
past
ruin
hinder
hold back
and rob me
of freedom
and joy
I tremble
and wait
for another unkind word
knowing it is well deserved
hiding
pulling away
from everyone
and myself
it is guilt
it is shame
I want to resist
for a while I am strong
I can do it
no trouble
no inward battle of my will
and then…
I am slowly seduced
by a memory
or a thought
or a ‘what if’
and the game begins
and I am the loser
once again
And so the song
echoes in my head
“I’m never going back again”
and I am firmly resolved
to be weak
and frail
helpless
and undone
It is only
with Christ Jesus
I am set free
I am in full control
my weakness is made strong
when I do not try to do it alone
He teaches me
that my self-control
is the secret to my happiness
the key to my future
the mystery of saying no
and resisting
I am the winner
Sin makes you a slave
Grace sets you free
gives you self-control
peace in your heart
and makes you strong
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
I am praying for you today that you too will learn the secret of building ‘self control’ in your own life – so that your sin nature will not ‘own’ you – promising things that cannot be delivered. In resisting and saying ‘no’ you embrace freedom – in surrendering to your weakness and losing your will – you will find it again.
God Bless
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Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
